oPhone

The Biggest Update Yet. Again.

Made by Orchard

Known for

Removing a port, then selling the adaptor as an accessory. A new colour as the headline feature. Slowing older handsets and calling it 'battery care'. A camera bump that grows every year, like tree rings.

Character

Serene, glossy and sure that this year's change is a revolution. Describes a 0.2 mm difference in thickness as 'a bold reimagining' and a removed port as 'courage'. Never explains why last year's model suddenly feels slow.